Last Updated on March 15, 2026

When was the last time you truly felt happy from the bottom of your heart? What happiness meant to people in the 80s is unequivocally different than that of now.

From the 90s to the early 2000s, a cookie, a token or a longer time off from school tasks was enough for most children. Happiness seemed to be easily obtainable when wanted less.

Remember the time when “YouTube” was launched in the 2000s, “360p” videos were good enough, but these days any video that isn’t at least”1080p” or “4K” may not be ranked high and is considered a “low-quality” video.

Most members of Generation Alpha are the children of millennials. In the early 2010s, I witnessed a toddler being gifted an iPad, and their millennial parents rewarded them with “more screen time” instead of food or more time off from tasks.

It didn’t surprise me that the Government of Alberta announced a new provincial-wide cellphone and personal devices policy that prohibits students, between kindergarten and Grade 12, from using their smart devices while attending school in August 2024.

So, what is happiness in the modern era, especially when happiness becomes elusive due to technological advances?

The following 7 things in life are my secrets to happiness. They are small things that are often disregarded and neglected.

1. Self-compassion

I learned “self-compassion” the hard way. My very last toxic romantic relationship was a wake-up call for me – “You need to stop hating yourself!”.

What happened was I was never confident in my choices, so I sought social validation. In the end, I confused both of us. It wasn’t me who was dating that person but someone else – a person I thought I should be based on a third party’s assumptions.

Although I recognized the relationship was abusive, I felt obligated to stay and resolve the issues.

What does an abusive relationship look like?

• Stage 1: honeymoon or harmony;
• Stage 2: tension building;
• Stage 3: incident – reconciliation;
• Loop back to Stage 1

The truth is that neither of us practiced self-compassion, and neither of us had dealt with our own traumas.

When another person makes you suffer, it is because they suffer suffer deeply within themselves. They do not need punishment; they need help. That’s the message they are sending.

(Thich Nhat Hanh, n.d.)

When I started to ask more questions, like “Why did I____?” and “Why didn’t I ____?”, I realized I was just too afraid to be my true self.

I once hated myself for having a unique voice and big brown eyes, asking loads of questions, speaking my mind, etc. – but simultaneously, I admired my courage, assertiveness, and perseverance.

“If I hate myself, how could anyone love me for me being who I am?” Ever since I figured out who I am and how I wanted to live my life, I never once compromised my romantic relationship. That said, after going through several self-discovery journeys, I learned to appreciate small things in life, be less hard on myself and let go of things I have no control over. Suddenly, happiness knocked on my door.

2. Gratitude

Do you say “thank you” to strangers much more often than to your loved ones or yourself? How often do you show appreciation to the person/people in your immediate household?

“Achoo!” I sneezed one day. “Gesundheit!” my partner said. “What does that mean?” I asked. “Hmm…I think it means bless you, but in German! Just a less religious way to say the same thing.” He explained.

We’ve been saying “Gesundheit” to each other whenever the other person sneezes until one day I sneezed multiple times in a row, and I heard “Gesundheit, Gesundheit, Gesundheit!”. It didn’t sound soothing but annoying. “Why do we have to say this? It’s just a sneeze!” I cried.

As a result, we stopped saying “Gesundheit” for a few days. We just stared at each other. That was the moment I realized it wasn’t about the words but the attention. We both felt devalued for not receiving attention from each other, so we eventually resumed “Gesundheit”.

Showing gratitude (through words or actions) isn’t just about appreciating someone’s appreciation. It is an acknowledgement of receipt of a signal asking for help, attention, love or feedback.

3. Self-discipline

Self-discipline refers to the ability to plan, organize, research and follow through self-initiated projects. It is one of the most sought-after leadership qualities in the workplace. Independent, self-governing and self-autonomous individuals are often self-disciplined individuals who need little or no supervision and are resourceful and trustworthy.

Although living a disciplined life may seem to be the “right choice” for a more fulfilling life, as a self-disciplined person who underwent emotional eating throughout my childhood and early adulthood because of extreme peer pressure, a self-disciplined school-age child can be described as “a rebellious child/teenager/young adult” instead of “a tomorrow’s leader”.

4. High self-efficacy

Self-efficacy can be deemed a belief system. A person who has high self-efficacy, for instance, means they have great confidence in their capacity to have attained one or more desirable results.

Seeking social validation is not an uncommon behaviour among youngsters (like my younger self). However, this version of happiness is built on others’ expectations. For this reason, the search for happiness appears a never-ending life task. This is when “high self-efficacy” (belief) works its magic.

5. the Practice of mindfulness

My life has never been the same since 2020. Because I chose to prioritize my overall well-being, I (a four-week notice was given) packed up my job and flew across the country during the pandemic. Read full story here. Practicing mindfulness made me realize nothing is more important than my overall well-being.

6. Environmental awareness

Believe it or not, I have never lived a day without stress. Although I have tried various ways to relieve stress, stress still finds its way back.

Years later, I realized my stress at an early age came from living in a hustle-and-bustle city life. I had no time for myself.

Moving to the suburban area significantly changed my life. As I started to notice “the sky is blue” and “the water is green”, I could hear “birds singing and chirping”. I am home – I found the serenity I had been yearning for.

“Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”

(Thich Nhat Hanh, n.d.)

7. Self-Accountability

If you are a self-responsible person, you hold full accountability for your choices and actions. That is, you are aware of your responsibility to maintain your physical health, mental health, personal finance, and ethical/moral behaviours. You have no one else to blame but yourself. Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

It can be intimidating at the beginning, but once you are in it, you will meet like-minded people, who also strive for a better quality of life, you will, eventually, find it rewarding and fulfilling. And this process is called “adulting”.

I will wrap up today’s article with a pop quiz. It shouldn’t take you more than 90 seconds to complete this activity. You may begin whenever you are ready.

happiness quiz Results

0-3 points: If you are already where you want to be, congratulations! But, if you are still figuring out what you want in life or trying to turn your life around, I would recommend setting realistic goals and breaking your goals into small steps. Follow your own timeline.

4-7 points: Taking a break is for accomplishing a longer journey. Keep up the good work!

8-10 points: I would suggest taking some time off whenever needed. Practice self-compassion and focus on your strengths.

References

Downton, S. (2024, August 29). New cellphone bans in effect for Calgary schools as kids head back to class. CityNews. https://calgary.citynews.ca/2024/08/29/calgary-schools-cellphone-ban-during-class/

Thich Nhat Hanh Quotes. (n.d.). Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/9074.Thich_Nhat_Hanh