Last Updated on September 13, 2025
Having different levels of conversations results in different outcomes. From fostering authentic connections and reducing misunderstandings to challenging biases and social stereotypes, engaging in meaningful and intellectual conversations connects humans on a previously unfathomable level.
Here are 3 different levels of conversation from my experience:
- Surface level Conversations
- personal level Conversations
- opinion level Conversations based on Unconscious Bias
Surface level Conversations
A new friendship
When I was a student, I lived in a typical off-campus house occupied by 6 adults altogether. Two of my roommates weren’t students, so I made my first non-student friend through them in the neighbourhood. This Neighbour A came to our home frequently. They brought homemade food and invited me to join them as well. I still remember vividly how we started our first private conversation. Neighbour A approached me one day after school while I was on my way home. They asked how my day went, but I didn’t give them a typical response. Although I did notice they weren’t expecting to hear more than just a few words, they listened to me. We talked a few more times as friends (age doesn’t matter much to me in terms of friendship) whenever they brought food to our home.
personal level Conversations
when a new friendship went south
After our first conversation, Neighbour A continued to make us dinner – what a generous, hospitable and sociable person – I would describe. They knocked on the door one day, and I answered the door. Initially, we were just chit-chatting, they then asked what I wanted to eat for dinner: chicken or beef, if I remember correctly. I said I would prefer chicken. Shortly after that, he invited me to have dinner with them at their place. I thought they meant all of us (my roommates and I) as we were all invited once during the holiday season. However, I found out they meant me. I panicked, so I said yes to dinner. Fortunately, the dinner was cancelled through my roommate’s help. My roommates were all laughing about it. Perhaps it was a joke to them, it was a big deal to Neighbour A. We never saw them again until months later.
What I learned from this experience was that people don’t have enough meaningful conversations in life, which is why when someone gives out a little more personal information (they are still surface-level conversations to me), they misinterpret the intention.
opinion level Conversations based on Unconscious Bias
In order to truly understand someone, we need time and the willingness to look past stereotypes.
The incident
I was on my solo mental health road trip a while ago. Although my overall experience was wonderful, one of the restaurant experiences was awful. I was waiting quietly outside of a restaurant as required. A server saw me, we made eye contact, but they chose to ignore my presence. This local restaurant was recommended by my host, so I thought there must be some misunderstanding. I went into the restaurant, trying to find someone to speak to.
This server came close to me and shouted, ” We don’t have any seats”. I was very disturbed by their attitude, but I replied nicely, ” But I would like to order take-out”. Ironically, while I was waiting for my food, the server treated two other new customers very nicely and respectfully and even apologized to them for a possible longer wait time – if that wasn’t discrimination, what else would be? Although I chose to give them a generous tip to support our local and small businesses, I left a public review. I hoped their owner would acknowledge their misconduct and improve the equality of their customer service.
an Ignorant response
Unfortunately, their owner shirked responsibilities. If you pay close attention to this restaurant’s 1 or 2 stars’ reviews, you would learn what happened to me wasn’t just an incident.
With a heavy heart, this is the world we are living in. Some feel they are superior to us because of their race, position or large inheritance. And our current system is still struggling to find a balance. Why are meaningful conversations powerful? Because this is one of the simplest ways to push for social change.
Take home Activity
When you have a chance to meet a newbie at your workplace, try to ask any non-intrusive and open questions that you believe are appropriate and just listen to them. Instead of jumping to conclusions, just listen. Judging people based on their appearances, educational background, age, gender or sexual orientation can only go so far, after all. I assure you that you would be amazed by people’s life stories.
Let’s try to initiate conversations that would lead to genuine relationships (who knows if that could lead to something more – friendship is the start of something new)! If you need more information about how communication skills training can change lives, feel free to reach out.
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