Last Updated on August 26, 2025

Inadequate communication often leads to misunderstanding and miscommunication, deteriorating relationships that could otherwise be more harmonious. In this article, I would like to share with you, from a trained helping professional standpoint, why people often choose not to communicate on a deeper level or more effectively, from the historical perspective to the influence of social/political ideologies.

the result of a lack of communication: tribalism

Have you noticed that people often choose not to communicate with each other if it is not necessary? For example, people prefer to use slang or inside jokes to communicate with people who can relate or resonate with them. In other words, many feel more at home just using “common sense” to express themselves.

However, “common sense” varies from cultures to cultures. Hence, tribalism.

Tribalism, in simple terms, is partly responsible for the result of this – people often choose not to communicate deeply but briefly. People are inherently afraid to speak to another person who doesn’t look like them, dress like them, behave like them or sound like them. Collectively, fear of judgement. These prejudices at one point played an important part in human evolution because they provided ease and comfort during difficult times.

Nevertheless, human migration – finding a better place to settle down – changed everything. For centuries, humans have started to explore new worlds to live a better life. As a result, this “tribalism” has become an issue.

In other words, some believe that only conversing or interacting with people in your community – the insiders – is the optimal solution to communication barriers.

“If creating these customs didn’t help communicate better, how could anyone communicate with people from other communities with ease?

Human Migration

Since the start of the modern era, countries/regions/territories heavily rely on Human Migration to continue to thrive and to recover. Rural populations migrated to urban areas; urban populations migrated to suburban regions. There are Hamlet, Village, Town, City, and Metropolis, which are classified by the size of its population (Bruce, 2019). This happens when we are actively looking for the most livable place to settle.

Written by Sherman Alexie, The Absolutely True Diary Of A Part-Time Indian, depicts the pursuit of something seemingly impossible but fascinating to the main character. The author was someone who wanted a different life from their community.

Although tribalism once helped us feel safe and find peace, our world has changed drastically ever since the Age of Discovery. People move across the oceans to find a better life to provide for their families or for themselves. Because of immigration, people get to learn from different perspectives and thrive together as a global community.

The article, Common Unconscious Bias In Our Daily Life, outlined how human behaviours affect each other’s experiences. As human society has evolved into a diverse world, communicate with others effectively becomes a necessity, but what does communication look like?

The definition of Communication

Communication is defined as a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of verbal and non-verbal ways, according to Merriam-Webster. To be more specific, communication happens when A is aware of a need, a desire, or an emotion, their brain would try to make sense of the thing that they are feeling or experiencing (the coding process). A then tries to convey their a thought, need or feeling to B, hoping B can decode the message successfully – waiting for the “Ah-ha” moment.

(Meek, 2013)

How people often choose to communicate these days

Default responses

Did you know how we are programmed to answer a phone call, respond to a text message, and even speak to a loved one?

A: “How was your weekend?”

B: “It was (very/ quite) nice/good/alright, and what about yours?”

A: “Not bad/ It was good/same old, thanks for asking”

B: “Hope you enjoy your day/have a nice day or nice to speak to you/ we will catch up later/ talk to you later (but they may never see you again)”

Those are small talks, which are different from non-professional greetings, such as “How may I help you today?”. When people are reinforced to communicate with others only in a certain way, any further and deeper conversation would seem too much.

day-to-day communication

I believe the main reason why surface-level conversations are encouraged is that it is the safest way to protect ourselves. Having a serious conversation or sharing real emotions with another person needs the foundation of trust, after all.

Although I completed formal training in human skills, interpersonal skills and communication skills in school, I didn’t consider myself an excellent communicator until much later. I learned “how to communicate effectively” the hard way. Mostly, by offending someone unintentionally.

a Side note on communication skills

I am convinced that communication skills are best learned through real-life experiences. What a textbook can teach me is what theoretically makes sense in an ideal world, and that world doesn’t exist. For instance, my work taught me how important it is to pivot and the ability to think on my feet. Of course, there are things that a frontline worker can and should go by the book, but in practice, without agility and adaptability, the work would become so much more challenging than it actually is.

how communication skills is trained Academically – a real-life example

Let me share with you an interesting training experience in the third year of my Social Work program. Students would complete a role-playing assignment for a 10-minute unscripted interview. Person A would be the social worker, and Person B would be the client. One of the requests for this task was not to rehearse the entire conversation beforehand. Otherwise, the conversation might lose its spontaneity.

My teammate and I recorded our conversation, and the most difficult part was to convert this conversation into a script. We wished we could use speech-to-text software instead. “oh!”, “eh”, “ah”, “oh well”, “wait, no”, “sorry” and “hmm” – should all be included as well.

Frankly speaking, I did not understand the purpose of the training until I developed a communication skills training program (check availability). These are considered “the antecedents of what may happen next”, which helps a social work professional identify the real issues. It is like a detective deciphers a series of codes or an escape room participant figures out clues.

takeaway

Did you know that when people are more willing to communicate more effectively, discrimination and unconscious bias may thus be significantly reduced? But why do many still choose not to communicate if unnecessary?

Carrying an intellectual conversation without “common sense” in a respectful way intimidates many because human skills aren’t always taught properly in school or at home.

A healthy and successful conversation primarily involves 3 key components: “listening”, “listening” and “listening”.

Traditionally, sugarcoating the truth (like a way to show courtesy, politeness and professionalism, which differs from culture to culture) or people-pleasing behaviour is a proper way to fit in. Now, due to the reformation (it is an ongoing process), we know that the old-fashioned way (relative to the modern way) helps stabilize the economy and public relations. On the other hand, it highlights the importance of shared beliefs rather than individuality.

To sum up, learning or having “common sense” may be a way to break into a familiar group, but communicating effectively is the real way to connect with others on a deeper level. Would you choose to communicate with common sense or with open-mindedness?

References

Communication. (n.d.). Merriam-Webster. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/communication

Meek, W. (2013, July 13). Basics of communication. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/notes-self/201307/basics-communication

Bruce, R. (2019,  October 5). Hamlet, Village, Town, City, Metropolis, What is the System. richleebruce, Insight and Awesomeness. https://richleebruce.com/economics/word/town.html