Last Updated on September 9, 2026

Inadequate communication often leads to misunderstanding and miscommunication, deteriorating relationships that could otherwise be more harmonious. In this article, I would like to share with you, from a trained helping professional standpoint, why people often choose not to communicate on a deeper level or more effectively, from the historical perspective to the influence of social/political ideologies.

the result of a lack of communication: tribalism

Have you noticed that people often choose not to communicate with each other if it is not necessary? For example, people prefer to use slang or inside jokes to communicate with people who can resonate with them. In other words, many feel more at home just using “common sense” to express themselves.

However, “common sense” varies from culture to culture. Hence, tribalism.

Tribalism, in simple terms, is partly responsible for the result of people choosing not to communicate deeply but briefly. Humans, like many other living organisms, are inherently more alert to “unfamiliarity” or “instability”. Social activities involving “leaving comfort zones”, such as conversing with another person who looks, dresses, behaves, or sounds differently, take “efforts”. Therefore, over time, this fear of uncertainty results in common cognitive biases. These prejudices at one point played an important part in human evolution because they provided ease and comfort during difficult times.

Nevertheless, human migration – finding a better place to settle down – changed everything. For centuries, humans have started to explore new worlds to live a better life. As a result, this “tribalism” has become an issue.

In other words, some believe that only conversing or interacting with people in your community – the insiders – is the optimal solution to communication barriers.

You might be conversant with an argument from a rather conservative individual:

“If following customs didn’t help communicate better, how could anyone communicate well with people from other communities?”

Human Migration

Since the start of the modern era, a plethora of jurisdictions have been reliant on human migration to continue to thrive and to recover. Rural populations migrated to urban areas; urban populations migrated to suburban regions. Hamlet, village, town, city, and metropolis, for example, are classified by the size of their population (Bruce, 2019). This happens when any human is actively searching for the most livable place to settle.

Written by Sherman Alexie, The Absolutely True Diary Of A Part-Time Indian, depicts the pursuit of something seemingly impossible but fascinating to the main character. The author was someone who wanted a different life from their community.

Although tribalism once helped humans feel safe and find peace, the world has changed drastically ever since the Age of Discovery. People move across the oceans to find a more suitable place to live, work, and play. Because of human migration (without the emphasis on the history of colonialism and slavery in this context), people get to learn from different perspectives and thrive together as a global community.

As human society has evolved into a diverse world, communicating with others effectively becomes a necessity, but what does communication look like?

The definition of Communication

Communication is defined as a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of verbal and non-verbal ways, according to Merriam-Webster. To be more specific, communication happens when A is aware of a need, a desire, or an emotion, their brain would try to make sense of the thing that they are feeling or experiencing (the coding process). A then tries to convey a thought, need or feeling to B, hoping B can decode the message successfully – waiting for the “Ah-ha” moment.

(Meek, 2013)

How people often choose to communicate these days

Default responses

Did you know how many choose to answer a phone call, respond to a text message, and even speak to a loved one?

A: “How was your weekend?”

B: “It was (very/quite) nice/good/alright, and what about yours?”

A: “Not bad/It was good/same old, thanks for asking”

B: “Hope you enjoy your day/have a nice day or nice to speak to you/we will catch up later/ talk to you later (but they may never see you again)”

Small talk, which is different from non-professional greetings. When people are reinforced to communicate with others only in a certain way, any further and deeper conversation would seem too much.

day-to-day communication

I believe the main reason why surface-level conversations are encouraged is that it is the least intrusive way to protect ourselves. Having a serious conversation or sharing real emotions with another person needs the foundation of trust, after all.

Here’s the truth: I received formal training in human skills, yet I didn’t become an excellent communicator until much later. I learned “how to communicate effectively” the hard way. Mostly, by offending someone unintentionally.

Have you ever thought of what “offending someone unintentionally” truly means?

In my viewpoint, communication skills are best learned through real-life experiences. What a textbook can teach me is what theoretically makes sense in an ideal world that doesn’t exist.

Namely, I always encourage people around me to “correct me if I’m wrong”, to “refute” and advocate for themselves as needed. This gives me an opportunity to rectify the situation and learn how to communicate with each person accordingly, and more effectively.

how communication skills is trained Academically – a real-life example

I would like to share with you an interesting training experience in the third year of my Social Work program. Students would complete a role-playing assignment for a 10-minute unscripted interview. Person A would be the social worker, and Person B would be the client. One of the requests for this task was not to rehearse the entire conversation beforehand. Otherwise, the conversation might lose its spontaneity.

My teammate and I recorded our conversation, and the most difficult part was to convert this conversation into a script. We wished we could use speech-to-text software instead. “oh!”, “eh”, “ah”, “oh well”, “wait, no”, “sorry” and “hmm” – should all be included as well.

Frankly speaking, I did not understand the purpose of the training until I developed a communication skills training program (check availability). These are examples of “the antecedents of what may happen next”, which help a social work professional identify the real issues. It is like a detective deciphers a series of codes or an escape room participant figures out clues.

takeaway

Did you know that when people are more willing to communicate more effectively, discrimination and unconscious bias may thus be significantly reduced? But why do many still choose not to communicate if unnecessary?

Carrying an intellectual conversation without “common sense” respectfully intimidates many because human skills aren’t always taught properly in school or at home.

A healthy and successful conversation primarily involves 3 key components: “listening”, “listening” and “listening”.

Traditionally, sugarcoating the truth or people-pleasing behaviour is a common way to fit in. Like in some cultures, it is considered to show courtesy, politeness and professionalism. Nonetheless, the recent waves of the human rights movement sheds light on “stability”. The movement challenges the connotation of the semantics of stability rather than the syntax. Perhaps, a more conservative society brought peace to some extent in the past (before the age of AI). It is no longer the only way, or the only definition of peace.

To sum up, if you want to connect with anyone on a deeper level, you need to practice effective communication. Although attending human skills development training is oftentimes the first step, are you ready to embrace challenges with open-mindedness?

References

Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Communication. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/communication

Meek, W. (2013, July 13). Basics of communication. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/notes-self/201307/basics-communication

Bruce, R. (2019,  October 5). Hamlet, Village, Town, City, Metropolis, What is the System. richleebruce, Insight and Awesomeness. https://richleebruce.com/economics/word/town.html