Last Updated on March 25, 2026

Did you know love languages include “verbal communication” and “non-verbal communication” (body language or gestures)? Many first learn how to express love through the interaction with members of the “primary household (family)”. During a child’s development, how primary caregivers express love has a significant influence on how a child shows affection. Oftentimes, it is not until a child becomes an adolescent will “participants outside of their immediate household” stimulate them to think and start questioning. In this article, I will dive deeper into my journey to explore how food is a love language in my relationships.

*This article is inspired by Daily writing prompt.

food is The sixth love language

How do you express love? Love languages are commonly known as follows: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch, and acts of service. These options are self-explanatory, you can take the test here if interested. Over a decade ago, my results indicated that I felt loved by “receiving (thoughtful) gifts” and “spending quality time”. It made sense to me at that time, yet I always felt something was missing.

“Love” is one of the most difficult languages in the world to speak “appropriately” and “respectfully”. Long story short, I failed to prioritize my needs and focused on what mattered more. It was not until I made a bold move in 2020 did I finally free myself.

upbringing in my early years

I grew up in a multicultural city where food accessibility, healthcare resources, entertainment and educational services were in abundance. With my mom’s authoritative parenting style, I was blessed to experience life at a young age. From street food to fine dining, my mom’s love language besides “physical touch” was “food”. She introduced my dad and her in-laws “Good food creates good vibes”. “Having good food together with family” was her thing, and it was the only time when everyone would put their differences aside.

The first few years of my life, I was living with three other generations under one roof – my parents, paternal grandparents and my great grandfather. Although their “language barriers”, “communication issues” and “differences in values” resulted in severe family conflict, they all spoke a shared love language called food.

Discovering How Food Is A Love Language

Having a big meal together on each holiday was (is) a tradition for my family of origin. There were a few days in a year that no one would pick a quarrel because everyone (to be more specific, all “females”) would be busy either making food or supervising the process. Throughout my childhood, I never understood why “men” don’t need to cook at home, and yet most chefs were “(biological) males”. I remember asking these questions, and the answers were something along the lines of “That’s a woman’s job”. At least, while having those meals, those adults were “acting” like a family.

a Psychological Conundrum during Adolescence

Owing to how my parents chose to handle relationships, I was on an emotional rollercoaster in my childhood. Fortunately, my mom insisted on sending me to “Montessori” and risked everything (i.e., ingrained misogynistic attitudes) to ensure my “fair education”. Living in a patriarchal society as a female is demanding, after all. My mom wanted me to become a strong and independent woman, so even after her departure, she still did her best to support my needs.

Although my parent’s separation broke my heart completely, I never even once threw temper tantrums during the transition. I just accepted my fate quietly and focused on “the big picture”. From daily routines to schooling, my paternal family members controlled my life in every way they could. I, as a result, slowly became a more reserved person.

good food creates good vibes – food is a love Language

When I had a chance to truly make a difference, I chose to broaden my horizons by stepping out of my silos. Interestingly, I revisited my childhood experience and was firmly convinced that it was anything but happy; however, occasionally I would reminisce about our family meals.

“Good food creates good vibes”. I had no idea when “having good food” became a “tradition” (how I express love and feel loved) but it dictates my happiness. When I love someone, I share food, including dining together, cooking food or watching a piece of content. I love to give and receive thoughtful gifts and spend quality time with my loved ones, but what I love more is creating memories around food.

Owing to living in a suburban area, being a picky eater with a strict dietary preference leaves me no choice but to start making food at home regularly. My husband, who’s also not too much of a home cook, understands my struggles after visiting the city where I grew up. He’s now suffering even more than me because he came to the realization that he had food preferences.

Epilogue

resolution to speaking different love Languages

“You gave me a chance to live a different life!”, said my husband. My husband used to believe that cooking was “frying some eggs” or “reheating frozen dinners”.

Just like any new couple, my husband and I had a few difficult conundrums at the beginning of our relationship. One of them was that we didn’t speak each other’s love languages. Understanding “gift-giving” is one thing, putting effort into preparing a thoughtful gift is another. On the other hand, I do not express love through “physical touch”.

Since we both need to eat, I suggested going on dates and staycations. At first, he didn’t understand how good food and good vibes were intertwined. All he ever experienced growing up was to eat whatever was served on the table, never question where gifts came from and live a simple and repetitive life. To resolve this issue, after governments decided to lift Covid-19 restrictions, we took a trip to my home city. It was an eye-opening and life-changing experience for him – he witnessed how happy I was when I was having good food. He now appreciates good food and vibes with me when I am looking up food. I can proudly say that “food is our love language”.

My husband has started making food and perfecting his recipes for baked goods (they are usually gluten-free and low in sugar) to improve our quality of life and the stability of our relationship. One of his signature dishes is the fully loaded omelette. As for me, I come up with interesting recipes for us to try and discover new restaurants in different regions/countries. Good food brings us closer when we are at our lowest point. Perhaps we have different love languages (based on the test), but we both now express love through food.

reference

The 5 Love Languages. (2024). https://5lovelanguages.com/