Last Updated on October 10, 2026

Have you felt you were deeply in love, but at the end, it was just another “infatuation” with someone? If you are wondering how “falling out of love” happens to you, keep on reading this article.

What is love

Is love a noun or a verb? If you believe love is a noun, you may romanticize and fantasize your relationships. In short, you might have one or more relationships that did not last long, but you consider them as your Great Love.

On the contrary, if you love hard, you may find yourself constantly on an emotional roller-coaster. Because you are trying to make things work to fulfill your purpose in life.

“Love becomes more difficult when reality kicks in.”

When you regard love as a verb, how you communicate in a romantic relationship often dictates the quality of your relationship.

This is when you no longer feel your adrenaline rush and everything gets more serious.

People do not fall out of love for no reason

why do people fall in love?

People fall in love for various reasons, from love at first sight, family and peer pressure to reproductive reasons.

Did you know falling in love is a choice you made? Whether it is consciously or subconsciously, you choose to fall in love.

Think about your last sensational experience, like trying foreign food for the first time. How did you feel? Similarly, when you meet a person for the first time, you feel that excitement, manifesting through your body – the butterflies in your stomach. That’s how you fell in love – you allowed yourself to be curious and vulnerable.

The law of attraction reveals your true intention. For example, if you are a socially awkward person, but you find yourself falling in love with a socially conscious person, someone who seems completely opposite of you, this might be because you subconsciously want to be accepted by society. Birds of a feather flock together, after all.

misconceptions about love

People fall in love because they are willing to explore where love (this mysterious feeling) takes them. Nevertheless, when love involves marriage – seen as the final destination of love (which is true in many countries) – love may not always be as simple as “love or bread” (marry for love vs. marry for money).

According to a 2019 report released by Harvard Health Publishing, a Harvard study indicated that men’s health had a negative correlation between men in strong (romantic) relationships and the risk of dying from heart disease. That said, men in a healthy relationship may have a lower chance of contracting heart disease.

In April 2023, Stanley and Rhoades, research professors at the University of Denver, released a new survey indicating that all 1621 US-based respondents:

1. Were 50 years old or younger
2. Were in their first marriage between 2010 and 2019
3. Had been married, excluding widows and widowers, to someone who was also 50 years old or younger between 2010 and 2019

The researchers wanted to find out whether having a cohabitant relationship before marriage could lead to the dissolution of marriage.

The result pointed out that the respondents living together before marriage reported to be almost 50% more likely to end their marriages in comparison with those who cohabited after being engaged or married.

The finding supported having a strong relationship – including asking big questions before tying the knot – leads to better overall health. However, the real concern is that not everyone identifies and recognizes what love is given that each family functions differently.

It’s a common misconception that love has only one meaning, which is marriage. In fact, every individual has distinct definitions, interpretations and expressions of love. They are rather based on individual experiences than entirely on cultural or racial differences.

how do people fall out of love?

Love often fades out when it isn’t as magical as it once seemed, especially entering “the revelations of true selves” stage. One key reason why people fall out of love is not having open communication prior to taking their relationship to the next level.

the process of falling in love

Have you found yourself in a situation where someone said to you, “I love you”, and you felt pressured to say it back?

Or have you been asked – What is our relationship right now? – which usually happens when your friendship has crossed the line.

This is because love has different forms for each person. Humans also experience love in various ways. Oftentimes, love is a strange feeling that makes you wonder what’s happened to you. This unusual feeling that stimulates your subconsciousness is usually accompanied by a noticeable change of behaviour.

The emerging love can be an infatuation, obsession or unrequited love. Great Love is usually a type of love when you believe love is selfless and unconditional. In reality, this feeling is short-lived. It disappears quickly. If you often find yourself “falling in love easily” and “falling out of love quickly”, you may be still at the very early stage of love. When love to you is a noun.

from great love to real love

You enter the next stage of love once you have confessed your feelings and confirmed the direction of your relationship. At the beginning of this stage, you’ve fallen in love and you desperately want to stay in love. Simultaneously, you’ve realized love is hard work. You understand you are unable to be in love if two (or more) of you don’t work collaboratively together for a long period.

This “hard work” requires you to be completely candid with your romantic partner(s), from your criteria (the type of person you want to be with) to your realistic expectations (the life you want to live in).

Think about your current or last relationship, have you asked big questions before moving forward?

Unfortunately, even if you were honest and did what you could, you may still find yourself in an unhappy romantic relationship. This is when you may slowly fall out of love.

the process of falling out of love

Falling out of love isn’t as simple as falling in love. The person preceding “emotional withdrawal” may undergo varied phases prior to completely removing themselves from the relationship.

It hurts even more when you realize you are the only honest person in your romantic relationship. Because not everyone chooses to be open and not everyone understands how dishonesty – often coming from ignorance and low self-esteem – can harm a genuine romantic relationship.

In most cases, before love has fallen apart, people may simply stop talking (the real talks) to each other, causing the pair to grow apart.

2 common reasons for not staying in love

Two most used statistical results regarding couple divorce, conducted by Scott et al. (2013) who interviewed 52 couples receiving the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) – a couple therapy providing premarital and marital support – from a religious organization or a university, showed that 75% of the participants reported “lack of commitment” and almost 60% of them had “affairs”.

1. different Interpretations of love

According to the research, despite having partaken in a couple therapy program, participants’ marriages still came to an end. The purpose of this research was also to learn how counsellors could improve their premarital education.

No research or study can explicitly conclude why people cannot stay married or stay in love. It is important to note that these samples are regional, so please do not overgeneralize them.

For those who are considering or have used couple counselling services, consulting with a professional, such as a marriage and family counsellor may open your eyes, but please remember these professionals are humans too. If you choose to work with a third party, you need to work hard to find the right support. Otherwise, this may cause you an arm and a leg (and on top of that, potential mental breakdown or immediate medical concerns) down the road.

Whether or not you would like to seek third-party support, if you ever consider getting married – this does not apply to those who have been pressured to be engaged and married, being married is different from being in love. Things you may want to consider before legalizing your love:

• What stage(s) of love are you at?
• What is marriage to you?
• Why do you want to be married?

2. Infidelity

According to Psychology Today, one of the studies showed that cisgender males and females had different definitions in terms of infidelity. Compared to being emotionally attached to another person rather than themselves in a romantic relationship, men were more offended by intercourse. Women, on the other hand, found emotional infidelity more disturbing than their partner being physically attracted to another person other than themselves.

Infidelity is the result of an unhappy and unhealthy relationship. Yet, it is not the real reason why couples go separate ways. This is because infidelity is, for example, deemed to determine whether the divorce is no-fault or fault in Canada. For more accurate and up-to-date information on whether adultery is an offense, please check your local legislation.

That said, every infidelity has a rationale behind it. Although the reasons for such behaviour vary, the process of it shows a resemblance to quiet quitting. Instead of quitting your job that you believe there’s no future for you immediately, you choose to find another option diligently but quietly. A few examples of quiet quitting vs. infidelity are as follows:

• Secretly applying for new jobs vs. secretly signing up for a dating application
• Act normally at work vs. act normally at home
• From being actively engaged in activities to only attending mandatory work-related events vs. from being emotionally invested in romantic activities to keeping things to themselves

A person’s employment status is highly associated with their financial health, whereas infidelity is in relation to their social reputation (as it may or may not be deemed to be a crime regionally). Despite the differences, changing jobs and ending relationships are both stressful events in life.

If you just wanted to find a survival job (e.g., to move out of your current home), wouldn’t you be actively looking for another?

Similarly, if you were in a situation where you felt pressured (by people or society) to settle down with a person, wouldn’t you wonder what’s out there one day after one of your many never-ending arguments?

when staying in love is more difficult than falling out of love

Many consider marriage as the end of love. In fact, marriage is the beginning of real love. If a serious couple never once asks each other any big questions before walking down the aisle, one of or both of them may eventually suffocate.

It hurts to end a romantic relationship, no matter how much you have invested in it. But what hurts more is being in a toxic and abusive relationship.

Being in an unhealthy relationship often results in traumatic experiences. Because “trying to make things work” is not analogous to “trying to stay in love”. If you had to remind yourself of “your happy moments”, you may be trying too hard to stay in love rather than contributing to a healthy and mutual relationship. When staying in love is harder than falling out of love, emotional withdrawals may occur to stymie further harm.

falling out of love is a choice

If falling in love is a choice, falling out of love is a choice as well. And legalizing your love takes your relationship to another level.

Having said that, if you want your relationship to work, improving your communication skills is strongly recommended.

In addition to our free resources, Berelevant Network provides evidence-based online live communication skills training for motivated individuals to learn necessary human skills. This is an 8-week program where each participant will receive a 60-minute live training and post-training support each week.

Empowering you to explore unbiased possibilities and instilling objectivity in you is what Berelevant Network does best here. To prevent impulse buying, we encourage you to review our Help Center and only proceed with the services you need. You can rest assured that you will receive unwavering support throughout your entire journey.

References

Harvard Health Publishing. (2019, June 5). Marriage and men’s health. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health

Stanley S.M. & Rhoades G.K. (2023, April). What’s the Plan? Cohabitation, Engagement, and Divorce. Institute for Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/reports/whats-the-plan-cohabitation/2023/executive-summary

Scott S.B., Rhoades G.K., Stanley S.M., Allen E.S., & Markman H.J. (2013). Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education. Couple & family psychology, 2(2),131-145. doi: https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032025

Psychology Today Staff. (n.d.). Infidelity. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/infidelity