Last Updated on July 5, 2026

This was an incident that occurred several years ago. I had touched on this topic, but I never went into any details. Although it took me years to heal from the distress and suffering caused by unexpected workplace bullying, a German philosopher once said, “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger”. Indeed, if I can’t change something, change my attitude.

Bullying is a subjective experience. Some may take verbal abuse seriously, while others don’t consider any invisible or verbal abuse as bullying but “physical abuse”. In my case, “You don’t fit in Canadian culture!” was still ringing in my mind years after I left that company.

In today’s article, I will shed light on the very first workplace bullying that haunted me for many years.

“Don’t wait until you’re ready to quit”

It still gives me goosebumps whenever I think about the experience. The painful memories didn’t recede in my mind until recently.

After a long wait, I received a call from the manager. I landed the job! It was my very first full-time job, so it felt like I won the lottery. It was sort of like an office job, so I had to (I only go shopping when necessary) go shopping.

I was extremely delighted and keen to show my future co-workers that I would work hard and be a part of their family, resulting in the biggest mistake I made in my career. Being over-optimistic (or naive) about a new job or new environment is never a smart choice.

On my first day of work, the on-site management team instructed me to fill out some mandatory forms. The manager, then, told me they had a staff member who locked themselves somewhere and was crying, “Don’t wait until you’re ready to quit…”.

Types of workplace bullying

1. verbal abuse

“This is Michelle (a pseudonym)…She will be your trainer.” Since then, I barely saw the manager again.

I brought a notebook with me as suggested by one of my professors in school. She gave me a few tips on how to stand out from the crowd and do well in a new job. “Take notes and ask questions”, she advised.

“Oh! You have a notebook!” or “Oh you are so smart, you learn so fast!” Michelle didn’t sound impressed. She acted like it was such discouraging news that I came prepared. I did not know this was just the start.

sabotage that fell through

“Why did you wear ___(my outfit)___?” Michelle, the trainer, didn’t like anything I wore to work even though the manager team confirmed my attire was appropriate.

During the first week of work, I wore a top that was a bit sheer one day, but I didn’t notice that. The manager asked to see me out of blue – did I do something wrong? When I arrived at the manager’s office, they gave me two options: 1. go back home to change my top or 2. wear a thin coat to cover myself. I chose the latter, of course.

Alarmingly, the other team member whose office was adjacent to that of the manager overheard this conversation and said to me privately that she had no idea why Michelle would rather speak to a male about my clothes than talk to me about it herself.

After putting on a thin white coat, the management team praised me, “You look so professional!”.

Things got more intense afterwards. I received special treatment because of that coat. Later that day, Michelle started to persuade me to take off that thin coat, but I declined. She wore a pair of 5 or 6-inch high heels the very next day and complained about how sore her feet were later in the afternoon.

“Am I really working?” I wondered.

2. gossiping

As previously mentioned, what’s considered “bullying” is subjective. Admittedly, I have higher tolerance for abusive and toxic behaviour because of the following reasons:

1. Educational backgrounds
2. Professional training
3. Family history

Despite having a rough few days, I survived the first week. One of the best things that happened to me during that time was I actually met quite a few kind people in that building. Sadly, they were from different companies. I was like a lone wolf at the beginning, but several people came to me (from other companies). We had some intellectual conversations during lunch breaks. Some of them felt safe to share with me their personal affairs after learning my characteristics and educational background.

Any experience is a good experience, even if it seemed to be the worst work environment I have ever worked at throughout my career.

When sharing too much information

In week 2, the manager introduced me to a different department. One day, I saw a guy give one of my colleagues a bundle of flowers (possibly roses if I remember correctly). I had no clue they were dating and in a long-term relationship (more than 7 years).

I congratulated them on their anniversary and said I couldn’t imagine myself being in a long-term relationship like that.

The two co-workers became a little bit nosy, and prying into my private life. I was uncomfortable, but they seemed to be friendly. Not until the last conversation I had with the managers did I learn that they sabotaged my reputation behind my back. One of the questions they asked me was whether my parents were together or not. And they made an impudent remark on my personal affairs.

However, one manager told me they accused me of criticizing their romance at work. Instead of trying to understand what really happened, they chose to verbally abuse me. Even if I wasn’t the one asking private questions and judging others.

3. Sabotage

That day, I was at the switchboard with one of their long-term employees. They said they witnessed many things occurring in this building. They shook their head and explained why.

Michelle, stopped by the switchboard that day, and commented, “Oh! You’re still here!” and she did not forget her famous line towards me “You’re going to replace me!”. In fact, Michelle was the one who never stopped harassing me, from my educational background to the fact that I am a fast learner.

The job description was actually more sophisticated than what the actual job was. I eventually learned that I was wrong about it being a professional job.

One of the essential skills of the job was to deal with people’s private matters. In other words, keeping personal information confidential was our priority.

However, I observed not many of them followed cybersecurity best practices. Michelle and some co-workers even badmouthed clients or other employees.

speaking my mind got me into trouble

I remember I was talking about sex education one day. From my professional (now I am saying this, but back then, I was foolish to ever believe it was a “professional job”) viewpoint, teaching someone to fish is more important than feeding them a fish.

That said, finding the root cause of the issue should be the priority. In behavioural science, the reason why it is important to collect “A (antecedent) – B (behaviour) – C (consequence)” data is that such a process helps us identify what the real issue is. We need to understand what came before an outburst and how the behaviour was handled at the end.

It was my fault to even start such an intellectual conversation with a person like Michelle, who constantly verbally abused me even in front of the client(s). She disparaged me frequently in front of clients, “I don’t know why they hired her, like she doesn’t know the street names! (because I was an outsider)”. However, the reality was many local clients actually recognized my hard work and chatted with me when she wasn’t around.

One of the most hostile comments I received from Michelle was that she asked me to give her one dollar (a loonie) if I ever waved (goodbye or said hi) to any client. Could anyone imagine how ridiculous that was?

4. passive-aggressive behaviour

No one ever told me openly what really upset them. I’ve always been an open-minded person who takes criticism seriously. Because I believe that’s the key to becoming a more socially conscious person. And I’m thankful for that.

If Michelle believed she had a beef with me, why did she invite me to their inner circle event?

the potluck

“Hey! Come join us at our potluck!”

Michelle invited me to join their department’s potluck when I was in training with her. It was my first potluck at work, so I thought to bring homemade food. Little did I know that most attendees did not make their own food. I saw the platters and the famous potato salad from Costco. I was one of the few that brought homemade food.

A co-worker made cinnamon rolls. I never thought in a million years I would ever say this – as a non-cinnamon lover – but I did enjoy his cinnamon roll very much. Even in a toxic workplace, not everything was unbearable.

Employee silence towards workplace bullying

“Institutional bullying” could happen anywhere, but employee silence makes it worse.

While I was in training with another co-worker, Michelle spoke loudly about how much she disliked a newbie. She went, “She’s (or she seems) nice, but I don’t like her. I don’t know. I just don’t like her!”

My co-worker and I ignored what we heard since I was the only new staff member at that time.

“I don’t know why she got hired. She’s new here (I wasn’t familiar with the street names).” Michelle was probably right about it – why a naive person like me (who thought she was a professional) would possibly be accepted here. I was an outsider who was a threat to Michelle.

As a behavioural science graduate, I couldn’t help analyzing what really happened. While I was shadowing a co-worker who knew in and out the team culture there through monitors at the switchboard. They pointed out the issues with different departments and the management team hadn’t done anything about employee conflicts.

While I was fascinated to hear more stories from them, the hiring manager asked me to go to their office in the middle of a work day. I was quite certain the switchboard person and I both knew what was coming next.

After hearing what they had to say, I shed tears like a baby in front of both managers – who had a great chat with me during the interview. My sacrifices led to nothing but pain and suffering. I put up with everything and I thought everything would be okay, but I was obviously wrong.

workplace bullying and Misunderstanding

What could possibly go wrong if everyone reported I was smart and professional? Was there any misunderstanding?

Overall, I didn’t feel I was unwelcome. A thorough training from the management team (which I received none of it) regarding their work culture may be helpful, but calling me a “weird person”, making “strange statements” and “no one liked me” were far-fetched.

Learning how that manager came to this conclusion would help me change the way I interacted with others in a female-dominated environment. Therefore, I insisted I needed to know the reasons why things didn’t work out because “Nobody likes you!” was a strong statement.

A hard-working person with an unquestionable work ethic and professionalism received such negative feedback from some of her (female) co-workers.

So, if they didn’t like me, why did they invite me to a potluck, chat with me freely and share personal affairs with me privately? Why did they lead me on? If I ever offended any females, I would be more than happy to adapt. But someone had to initiate such conversations.

This was what truly happened at work:

One of the nosy co-workers mentioned how much they wanted to work in the U.S. (to earn more money), and another shared with me about their love story. Michelle, on the other hand, spent a lot of time complaining about her husband and making fun of some clients or workers when they were not around.

I was never a telltale, but I felt like I was working with giant babies at an adult daycare. What exactly did I get myself into?

the hidden Curriculum to avoid Workplace Bullying

The hidden curriculum to avoid workplace bullying is to engage in small talk (but on a varied level). If I wanted to succeed – more like survive in a toxic work environment – in the job , I should engage in meaningless conversations to their liking. That said, I would need to learn everyone’s preferences to fit in well.

Small talk culture wasn’t (and it has never been) my thing, but I had adapted to it as a grown-up. Even so, it wasn’t enough.

toxic workers are Allergic to Genuine Conversations

One of the managers revealed that I told my trainer (a supervisor) I had diarrhea one morning when I shouldn’t.

Michelle asked me what I had for breakfast one morning. I thought I should be honest about my physical health condition – that I wasn’t feeling well – but I completely misunderstood her. It was nothing but just another meaningless conversation. She didn’t want to know anything about me, even though I eventually went to the bathroom many times on that day due to medical reasons.

The moral of this story: Sharing physical stamina with a supervisor in a toxic work environment is considered “too much information”. Honesty is “not” the best policy in this case.

bullies project their Insecurities

Another reason (that someone didn’t like me) was the ones who were prying into my privacy. Those workers reported to the manager that I was judging a worker’s long-term relationship with another person working in the building. With all due respect, it wasn’t true at all.

The moral of this story: If seeing any co-worker celebrating their happy moments during work time in a toxic workplace, do not engage with them.

In spite of my effort (tolerating unfairness), the management team chose to side with them. I never got a chance to share my side of the story. That manager later concluded, “Nobody likes you!” and even made an discriminatory comment, “You don’t fit in Canadian culture!”.

I was in torment for a long time. I recovered from the pain, but I will never ever forget how workplace bullying destroyed my dignity and confidence.

myth: Bullying doesn’t happen to highly educated individuals

One of the managers continued to explain (since I asked) why I wasn’t a good fit. They said they thought I was a highly educated individual, so I would fit in (an abusive culture) there. However, I found it a strange statement – Michelle mentioned she got a diploma in finance (which isn’t related to the job whatsoever). During my time there, I learned that most people did not have direct educational backgrounds. Some of them were students, while others were retired from their other jobs (or waiting for other opportunities).

I never once properly utilized my knowledge and skills.

Their statement appeared to contradict the facts. I was very honest about my choice – I wasn’t interested in the role they were trying to fill, but those managers convinced me that there would be more openings (if I stayed with them).

Apart from this, the senior hiring manager was open to negotiation during the interview, “Because of your educational background, we’re obviously not going to pay you the posted hourly rate.” Ironically, this was the same manager who commented I didn’t fit into Canadian culture.

Note: The pay was still way below my expectations; however, as a fresh graduate, I was willing to accommodate.

“nobody liked you!” – was it true?

Before receiving such distressing news, I was shadowing a co-worker whose job was to assist a professional with Autism. They described him as a peculiar person because he didn’t talk much, avoided social interaction and had very specific requirements. For this reason, they strongly believed I would be a great fit for this position due to my educational background, but unfortunately, they weren’t planning to leave their job anytime soon. They hoped the managers would consider having me cover them whenever they were away.

It was my first day there, but both of them seemed to know already who I was and my professional background. The person with Autism saw me and literally initiated a conversation with me.

He was eager to speak to me about his work and truly seemed to be excited about the idea of me working alongside him.

As I said, although the overall environment was toxic and abusive, there were always people who weren’t as abrasive.

Note: For those who have little or no knowledge of what Autism is, it is quite prevalent around the world. As of November 2023, the WHO reported that 1 in 100 had Autism. People with Autism (depending on if co-morbidities are present) are not usually initiators. They mostly do so when they feel comfortable and safe with someone. Moreover, they would much prefer to interact with those who are kind and sincere.

Epilogue: after the departure

I never thought my journey would end so quickly. Yet, workplace bullying is a serious issue. Despite meeting some amazing individuals, there were times I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it. If it weren’t for my resilience, I wouldn’t have recovered from such a traumatic experience.

What bothered me the most about my departure was the fact that I left a rewarding job (where I was truly appreciated) for it.

Prior to this full-time job, I was working closely with a family with a child with Autism. They hired me as a respite worker, but I went above and beyond. I provided academic skills building and treating their child’s challenging behaviours. The family was extremely grateful for my support and they consistently showed appreciation through offering their handmade steamed buns.

When I mentioned my full-time job offer, they were so delighted for me. But at the same time, they were worried that they would never find anyone like me anymore. So when I contacted them again, I resumed my part-time work instantly.

Note: A few years ago, I came across a review on a popular job board about this company. It was written by a senior staff member who eventually left the company. The comment echoed what I had been through, and said it was a norm there. They described how new staff members were bullied and abused and the management team did nothing to prevent workplace bullying from happening.

human skills training is the solution to workplace bullying

Reshaping a work culture takes time and effort. If employees remained silent when witnessing workplace harassment or bullying, the toxic culture could thus be reinforced.

Companies cannot be held responsible for what their employees do in their leisure time; however, it is their responsibility to train, upskill or reskill their staff members as needed. Owners, founders and managers should always be mindful that every team member is a representative of a company.

“What do you do for a living?” is one of the most common ice-breaker questions throughout adulthood after all.

With this in mind, the management team may inadvertently perpetuate workplace bullying. Here are some examples:

1. Play favorites (i.e., nepotism)
2. Promote only certain groups of people (e.g., based on personal preferences, including physical appearances or ethnic backgrounds other than competencies)
3. Choose socializing and networking skills (e.g., allowing staff members to gossip) over technical and professional skills (e.g., promoting hard-working workers)

up-to-date and Interactive human skills training is Necessary

Throughout my career, I’ve been bullied and witnessed bullying happening (towards clients or other co-workers). I once took a long break (a few months) from work because of it.

I never experienced burnout because of workload but people. This is why I chose to be a mental health advocate. A mental health professional is not always a mental health advocate. The former is a job, and the latter is a personal choice.

This management team would rather replace their entry-level staff members than provide adequate training and support. But somehow, this approach has been widely used and socially accepted by the majority.

Truthfully speaking, I was working at other organizations having the same issues. The strangest part of this experience was that it was mandatory to attend courses/training, such as “workplace bullying and harassment” and/or “discrimination”. Ironically, training as such should be online live or delivered in person, especially for human services professionals. In reality, most of them were pre-recorded training with outdated content.

I remember I was once in a mandatory training through video conferencing where a guest speaker was just reading every word of the script. The information provided was on the surface level and the speaker didn’t seem to understand the subject very well.

To my surprise, this was one of the employee perks – “professional growth opportunities”.

Is this how adults receive their “human skills training”? I wondered.

real change needs to happen sooner rather than later

Although open communication doesn’t always work under certain circumstances, a society that is more attuned to realism than idealism is unequivocally attainable. Our world needs more open-minded people than people who are out of touch. I founded Berelevant Network to address employment barriers and push for systemic change. From revolutionizing the human skills building industry to elevating the adult learning experience, raising mental health/wellness awareness and empowering others effectively is what “Berelevant Network” is all about.

Lastly, a business needs one or more humans to keep it going. Understanding how workplace bullying, harassment and discrimination affects overall business health for the management team should be a top priority for modern leaders.

An unhealthy person cannot produce the best results, neither can the business achieve collective success, after all.

reference

WHO. (2023, November 15). Autism. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/autism-spectrum-disorders