Last Updated on September 1, 2025

Are you dreaming about a wedding or marriage? Would you spend weeks, months or years planning a wedding? Or would you rather focus on yourselves and your future plans?

“Happily ever after” was popularized worldwide and certainly being overused by mass media. The term “the ever after” was first used in Giovanni Boccaccio’s translation of Il Decamerone, 1702, and its expression was a reference to Heaven (Martin, n.d.). It was a religious term, but now it is a most common phrase used at weddings.

Does “happily ever after” exist?

From Traditional Weddings to Modern Weddings

what is a Traditional Wedding

Choosing a partner to spend a lifetime with used to be a religious or a ritual behavaiour in many ancient groups. The process of a traditional wedding is a sophisticated maneuver by the soon-to-be married couples’ families. They invite a wide circle of families, friends and acquaintances. Wedding ceremonies and celebrations have; however, evolved into a personal matter. Couples may choose to complete the legal process in several different ways in modern times if applicable to your local law and legislation.

what is a Modern Wedding ceremony

Many, including myself, are looking for hassle-free civil ceremonies. They are performed by a legal marriage commissioner or a government official along with two witnesses. A civil ceremony, ideally, does not involve religious content. It can take place anywhere and anytime according to the couple’s needs. In addition, many couples these days opt out of wedding receptions to keep their receptions simple and private. Some only invite close family members and friends.

Marriage: when Fantasy meets reality

Wedding planning isn’t always expensive and time-consuming. It depends on what you are looking for and what you are dreaming of – a perfect wedding (the fantasy) or a tranquil married life (the reality).

Most of us are considered middle class. In other words, most people work very hard to get to where they are today. If there is no perfect marriage, why is there a need for a perfect wedding? Why many still believe having a traditional and a big wedding with hundreds of guests (most of them are not even close to the couple) is necessary whether or not they are religious?

Many TV shows, movies and articles have depicted how stressful planning a wedding can be, which is why the wedding planners exist. I wonder if couples realize that marriage isn’t about how special (which costs you a great fortune) your wedding is. Marriage is about living a life that you have planned beforehand and staying strong together no matter what happens.

Weddings aren’t marriages

A refreshing reality TV show, How to Get Rich, hosted by Ramit Sethi, featuring real-life couples sharing their financial challenges. The main issue among these couples was a lack of communication and for some of them was a lack of trust. Here’s the best part, during Ramit’s first visit, Ramit found out this couple have shared two children together, but one of them obviously didn’t give much credit to their spouse being a stay-at-home parent to support the family. Ramit pointed out that if they don’t trust the other person (their spouse), why would they have children with them?

In the previous article, Is Marriage For You? 10 Important Insights To Consider, I summarized 10 important questions for anyone who is considering taking their relationship to the next level. One of the key questions is “What is Marriage to you?”. Marriage isn’t a wedding. It is neither a solution to your unsettling issues nor an answer to happiness. You need to know what marriage is to you, and make your decision accordingly.

If a romantic relationship doesn’t flow together, planning a wedding, and legalizing your relationship, isn’t going to change anything.

did you know Most Relationships do not work?

How do couples grow apart? The answer is the same as the question: How did you and your childhood friends grow apart?

• Lost contact
• Have nothing in common anymore
• Don’t share the same interests
• Different career plans and life choices
• Move away from the city/ town/ country
• Make new friends who are closer to who you are or what you need

The reasons why couples grow apart are no different than that of childhood friends – those who you once thought you shared an unbreakable friendship with. In fact, a healthy couple should be each other’s best buddies. A platonic couple establishes a genuine friendship that leads to a successful and long-lasting marriage. That is, if a couple didn’t build a trusted relationship before tying the knot, growing apart would be just a matter of time.

Are You Dreaming About A Wedding or Marriage?

Weddings are fantasies, but marriage is real-life experiences. It doesn’t matter how big or how small your wedding is, it won’t change the quality of your marriage if you don’t work on it. Due to the complex nature of human relationships, I am not able to tell you how marriage ends. However, what I can tell you is if you stop communicating with your spouse, you will grow apart. Please note that growing apart doesn’t always lead to divorce or legal separation. In some cultures or religions, divorce or separation is not an option.

Marriage is a life-changing event, while hosting weddings are occasions that last anywhere between 1 hour and 5 days (or more, depending on your choice or local custom). Before legalizing your relationship, please think twice.

Reference

Martin, G. (n.d.). Happily ever after. The Phrase Finder. https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/happily-ever-after.html