Last Updated on March 25, 2026

While I was still new to marriage, I wrote an article about what I believed “marriage” was. Before signing the legally binding document, my husband and I were in agreement that we would “walk the walk”. We signed the papers to liberate ourselves to some extent despite knowing there’s no escape from patriarchy. Owing to our commitment to each other, we have worked hard to define what married life is. Fast forward to 2025, I was writing an article about “taking a break – together – from marriage”. Isn’t it interesting how life works out sometimes?

*Learn what others need a break from, powered by Daily writing prompt.

Acknowledgement: This article was written from the perspective of “consensual marriage”. As a mental health advocate and social activist, I am fully aware that many human beings around the world are unable to make their own decisions in life.

how marriage has been traditionally defined

According to The Week, marriage can date back to 2350 B.C.E. in Mesopotamia (today’s Iraq), known as the “cradle of civilization”.

Did you notice: although the concept of marriage is not inherently tied to religion, the magazine chose to categorize an article titled “When did marriage begin?” into “Religion”? Interesting, isn’t it?

Marriage, by definition (from Oxford Languages), is a process of formally recognizing a union between, historically, and in some jurisdictions specifically a (biological) man and a (biological) woman.

As of now, the concept of marriage varies from culture to culture. In some cultures, forced marriage happens. However, in many regions around the world, like Canada, marriage is now a legally binding document. Writing a prenuptial agreement is not a requirement, but it is an option for those who see the need.

Essentially, the marital status of the resident of such a region is “a public matter” rather than a private affair because it is linked to taxes these days. For example, a taxpayer must report their “marital status” (including the name and social insurance number of the spouse or common-law partner) for tax calculation purposes in Canada.

Fun fact: Did you know Taiwan was the first country in Asia to legalize same-sex marriage in 2019? See the original post on Berelevant Network Youtube.

the evolution of marriage in a nutshell

Getting married is now a choice where consensual marriage is encouraged/legalized/recognized. Thanks to those who have come before us, (biological) women, in this context, born/raised in certain parts of the world, can apply for a bank account, own a business, attend higher education, and have a “higher-paying” job (including leadership roles) without a chaperone (which includes being married to a man).

how we have defined our marriage

There was no definition of our marriage at the very beginning. We both struggled to find our voices in marriage. Taking a break (commonly defined as “separation”) from marriage seemed a massive overreaction. Whenever we argued, mainly when I confronted him, the thought of ending this “toxic” relationship was circulating in my mind.

After moving in together, I sensed something strange about my now-husband. I postponed the “arrangement (as in an official marriage proposal)” to a later date to clear my head. It turned out my instinct and observation were accurate. Last year, he received his formal diagnosis – which was an epiphany for him as he was in denial and believed my suggestion was a personal attack for months when I first brought it up. His delayed treatments resulted in numerous unsuccessful conversations, leading to dissension and a marriage crisis.

a personalized marriage structure

Since we now have a clearer picture of what we are dealing with, my husband officially granted me the title of “captain” of our family. Currently, the way we take a break from our marriage is through travelling. “Into the unknown” is practically what we do now on a regular basis. By slowly introducing him to different or new stimuli with or without my presence, I hope this will help reduce his prompt dependency. For those who are not familiar with ABA, “fading support” is the trickiest part of the process, in my opinion.

Through this journey, we both realized that a marriage survives because of the sacrifices we made for one another voluntarily. As the subject-matter expert in the field of Social Work (social psychology and mental health) and Behavioural Science, I ask, “If I don’t jump in fully, who else would?”

I spoke to my favourite teacher about such a conundrum earlier this year. “You can still laugh at it, that means it’s manageable, right? Also, you are family now, so it is different!”, the words are still ringing in my ears. Admittedly, I did romanticize marriage initially, but no, that is not the reality. The truth is, we are both learning how to show love and respect and carry the weight of life every day. While I encouraged him to join a support group that works for him, unfortunately, I have not been able to locate a free or affordable relief service offered by professionals. For this reason, I devised a contingency plan that I would request a break from our marriage on a case-by-case basis. To heal properly, I need to focus on my needs too.

Modern marriage is never about love

Staying married may be hard for some because “love (usually “passionate love”, something transient) is the only thing that they are holding onto”. Modern marriage is never about love; it is about a sense of security and belonging. With that in mind, we signed a legally binding contract. With no specific context (as in what a married life would look like to us) in mind, we stumbled, but we bounced back. Our resilience taught us how to “walk the walk”. I can now say I have witnessed and experienced the true meaning of marriage.

A long-lasting and healthy marriage comes from the willingness to sacrifice whenever necessary and prioritize family goals/needs. It is teamwork after all.

Lastly, I came across a clip on Social Media where a comedian concluded the meaning of marriage in just a few seconds, “There’s no I in team; There’s no love in marriage, there’s rage” shared by swipe4lolz. It was awkwardly brilliant – comedy (an art form, from my perspective) is the epitome of the power of healing!

references

Klawans, J. and Weber, P. (2025, August 28). When did marriage begin? The Week US. https://theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage

Oxford Languages. https://languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en/

Government of Canada. (2025, May 7). Forced marriage. https://travel.gc.ca/assistance/emergency-info/forced-marriage

swipe4lolz [@swipe4lolz]. (2025, May 8). Catchy Phrases: The powerful statements of the obvious [Video]. Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/p/DJbGF_JR3lY