Last Updated on April 11, 2026

When is it time to seek support as a helping professional in a neurotypical-neurodivergent romantic relationship? There’s no perfect time for anything in life. Asking for help (for real) requires you to trust (at least enough for you to feel safe to share something personal) the person listening. So, who is this trustworthy, professional and caring person for you to speak freely (to some degree) to?

Are you a helping professional wondering if you should seek support for yourself? Being in a neurotypical-neurodivergent romantic relationship as a helping professional can be challenging, sometimes even more so because you feel obligated to help them. This article is in a first-person narrative, so hopefully, this personal reflection and journey will inspire you to find a balance between your professional self and your role as a partner/family member of a person dealing with mental health issues.

*This article is in response to Daily writing prompt.

first encounter with Neurodivergent people

I volunteered at many different non-profit organizations out of passion during my youth, but supporting the students with ASD at an Autism foundation was the most memorable experience of all. I learned about them via one of their marketing campaigns at school. At first, I was excited to see a classmate of mine signing up for this event. Sadly, they eventually chose not to join the team. I received immediate attention when I joined the team because none of the founding members had a background in social sciences or Social Work. As a passionate youngest member with a professional background, I had high hopes of achieving something great with the team.

A caring person may or may not be a helping professional. In fact, being a “warm-hearted” person is not a requirement to be a helping professional. A person’s academic performance is.

a self-reflection

My professional background allows me to dive deeper into “who I am as a person” and “what I want to be after graduation”; therefore, I’ve allowed myself to feel and process my emotions and go on self-discovery journeys whenever needed. Unfortunately, I came to realize that I was one of the very few people who had done so. To further understand myself, I, too, completed numerous psychological tests and assessments myself, from personality tests to clinical tests for emotional and behavioural disorders. I wanted to know why some believe “neurodivergent people are different”. What’s the difference between someone calling a neurotypical person, like myself, “different” and that of a neurodivergent person?

law of attraction: Neurotypical-Neurodivergent Relationships

Everyone, including the CEO and the senior social workers, recognized that I devoted myself to the team while juggling different roles and responsibilities. As a result, after the departure of the founding members, they recruited me as their program lead. It was such an honour. Because I deemed myself to be an ordinary person who had a consuming passion for making an impact on people. To my surprise, my strength was also admired by some of the male students and someone from our team who may or may not have undiagnosed mental illnesses.

Interestingly, over the years, I have shown interest in those who may have undiagnosed mental health issues or peculiar individuals, and vice versa. So, I couldn’t help thinking, “Do I intimidate neurotypical people?” and “Am I really a neurotypical person?”

Socializing is difficult for an Introvert with a behavioural Sciences Background

Many years ago, I attended a business event as a plus one. It was an event with a group of middle-aged-looking people, predominantly male employees. Initially, I was the center of attention due to my physical appearance. Nevertheless, some of them found out what I studied, they stopped engaging and eventually faded into the background. One of them was fascinated to hear more about my background, asking me to “read his mind” and “analyze him” on the spot. I explained that human behaviour analysis is based on facts (truths believed by someone at that moment) and observations, so it would be impossible to give constructive feedback if I didn’t collect, process and analyze data objectively first. This was one of the rarer cases when a stranger became fascinated with my field of work.

how i got myself into a Neurotypical-Neurodivergent Relationship

I am with a neurodivergent person now, but strangely enough, all my close friends at different stages of my life are neurotypical people. They may have experienced adversities, but there were no signs of mental health concerns (at least while we were friends). That is to say, I have never had any neurotypical-neurodivergent friendships.

Although I did have a lot of admirers or fans for whatever reason during childhood, I never got involved with anyone by choice until the age of 18.

It occurred to me one day – as a much more mature person – it was not coincidental that I was drawn to “the mental health industry”. I wanted to find answers to my own questions desperately as an 18-year-old young person. Even after I got my answers, I still chose to stay in this field of work. This is not because I haven’t found myself but because I want to prevent this from happening to people. I see myself as a lifelong learner, advocate, mental health promoter and educator. And that’s probably how I got myself into a neurotypical-neurodivergent relationship unintentionally.

What my Neurotypical-Neurodivergent Romantic Relationship looks like

“Hey! Why did you walk so fast? I can’t see anything!” – his shenanigans were unveiled during a spontaneous activity. 

The early signs of Executive dysfunction

My then-boyfriend-now-husband mentioned hiking was his thing, so as a spontaneous person, I suggested we could go on a night hike one day. I witnessed his visceral excitement. It was confusing to see him “gearing up” for this “usual hike” as my understanding was that it was just a family-friendly trail for beginners. I wondered if he was ignorant or self-centered. It appeared to me he was not a caring person, but is there more?

Not until we started this night hike did I notice his atypical behaviour, such as:

• Walking fast and always in front of me resulting in blocking my view: I almost tripped myself
• Leaving me in complete darkness multiple times: No matter how many times I reminded him “without light, there would be no/little sight”, he just apologized and acted like he had no idea why he did what he did. Eventually, I stopped asking for light. I used the flashlight on my phone to resolve this issue, and he had no reaction to it
• On top of that, alas, I definitely needed a better pair of shoes and clothes

Admittedly, I am a sensitive individual and an astute observer. I understand saying “sorry” is a (stereotypical) Canadian culture, but in this case, saying sorry is not the solution. These incidents continued to affect our seemingly positive relationship.

rejection and denial

As a helping professional and mental health advocate, I subconsciously started to collect data (evidence). There were many early signs – see the 6 barriers in this article – that point towards “ADHD”, so after a few months of observation, I spoke about this finding. To me, confrontation is not always necessary if two people can communicate effectively. Unfortunately, this open communication (learn why open communication doesn’t always work) results in him breaking his character. Something he subconsciously or unintentionally meant to conceal from the public was revealed. Due to vulnerability being regarded as a sign of weakness or incapability in a patriarchal society, our relationship went downhill from there.

He came from a traditional family, yet he claimed to be someone who defies convention (which turned out to be the other way around). Just like many others, mental health awareness or education never really came into the picture. The terms, “neurotypical” and “neurodivergent”, were non-existent back then. In the late 90s and early 2000s, holistic health wasn’t a popular opinion like now. Traditional societies taboo mental health and all topics related to mental illnesses. As a result, he, unsurprisingly, denied everything and rejected the idea of getting help.

standing in the intersection

Now what? I asked myself a million times if it’d be wise to continue this relationship – a non-romantic romantic relationship. If I chose to help him myself, what would the relationship be like?

Even though I could empathize with him – someone who feels compelled to mask everything throughout his life, compassion consumed me. I started to feel unwell – bad headaches, mild insomnia (for a person who usually gets a good night’s sleep) and mental exhaustion. Simultaneously, the creation of Berelevant Network was in process. There was a point where I just had to retreat so that I could be invisible at home, metaphorically speaking. Suffocating love, that is.

His condition worsened after being rejected by a psychologist declaring he did not have ADHD or was not a neurodivergent individual. The reason for it is that he can hold a job for a long period of time, which is typical behaviour of a neurotypical person. Ironically, according to Fortune, a ResumeLab report showed that 83% of the participants considered themselves to be job-hoppers. As a helping professional myself, I insisted that we seek a second opinion. Months later, he was on a 10-minute phone call with a psychiatrist, and it was the day of “rebirth”.

life, continued

As I was writing this article, I felt empowered, heard and valued. Writing has always been my passion, and I love to give. Rather than resenting the reality, I wanted to turn it into strength.

Before my intervention (you can see my qualifications), a typical day of my neurotypical-neurodivergent romantic relationship was like the following:

• When having a serious conversation, he had a hard time receiving any constructive feedback (in defense mode)
• When having a casual conversation, he interrupted often
• In terms of “abstract concepts”, he had difficulty grasping them by observation and social interaction
• He struggled considerably to remember things that were previously discussed, agreed upon, or promised
• He found it difficult to listen attentively for a period of time (sometimes not even 2 minutes) without hijacking a conversation
• He did not always make eye contact when necessary or confirm a piece of information if it was properly understood

The good news is, after 1.5 years of work, I finally saw significant improvements. I recently found a therapist for myself so that I could share my pain and suffering during his self-discovery journey.

The therapist showed great respect for me, even though they said they didn’t know what to suggest, “It sounds like you’ve done everything!”, they said. I appreciated their honesty and thanked them for their work. It would be nice to brainstorm with another helping professional, but I understand not everyone is made for this profession.

2026 Update: Since my last visit, my husband and I have put great effort into our relationship via self-discovery journeys. As a result, we can heal and improve the quality of our relationship without external support.

balance the two roles

Because of the way the therapist behaved – for example, they made eye contact and even lost their words – during the session, I knew my story was intriguing. Additionally, a 10-minute overtime was just a confirmation that they did want to help figure something out, though it was in vain. I reassured them they’d see me again, but I wouldn’t schedule another session on the spot.

Through this experience, I re-realized that seeking support as a helping professional can be helpful as well. All I need, after all, is a person who can sort of relate to my situation and be present for me so that I can make optimal decisions.

We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone.

by Orson Welles

It is my life and my decision. No one but me can live my life. I do feel alone in this, but I am not actually alone. The fact that I could be writing this article was all because of my neurotypical-neurodivergent romantic relationship.

So far, I’ve felt hopeful since the session. It was such a relief for me to speak to someone who listens attentively to what I have to say without interruptions and the need to recapitulate or paraphrase my words. Asking for help reveals strength. What my strength lies in is encapsulated in the essence of Berelevant Network. The truth is, we both have learned so much from Berelevant Network. Berelevant Network represents resilience, opportunities and possibilities. And this is how I’ve been able to balance two tough roles to this day. 

Did you know I started a support group for adults? Sign up for our newsletter to receive event updates.

references

Berger, C. (2025, January 22). Job-hopping is shaping up to be the only way out of a dead-end job— 75% of employees leave before ever getting promoted. Fortune. https://fortune.com/2025/01/22/aspirational-workers-beware-no-raise-or-promotion-after-3-years/

Berelevant Network. (2024, October 10). A Support Group for Adults | Berelevant Network [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RCFl5HUlHo