Last Updated on May 27, 2026

My husband and I have come a long way as a neurotypical-neurodivergent couple in a cross-cultural relationship. At the beginning of the year of 2025, we were at our lowest point. Before we were almost convinced we should capitulate to societal norms, it suddenly struck me that perhaps what we need is significant lifestyle changes that last.

How we Make Significant lifestyle changes that last

Since April 2025, we have been in sync about the need for reform. From meal plans and spending habits to sleeping patterns and strength training and stamina building, these significant lifestyle changes have positively impacted our overall way of living.

After conducting thorough research (including processing relevant information) on physical (and biological), psychological and financial health for both of us, I analyzed our previous lifestyle and outlined a few reasons why it didn’t work for us. Then, I proceeded with solution-seeking. The following 3 guiding principles are how we eventually make significant lifestyle changes that last:

1. we Break down a big goal into more Realistic steps

After much deliberation, we discovered that in order to resolve the root cause of (our) overall lower productivity and (his) poor concentration, we had to delve deeper into how we defined health and stayed healthy.

As a holistic health advocate, astute observer and solution seeker, I eventually found a bug in our “seemingly healthy lifestyle”. Our priority was to stay focused, productive and healthy, but we didn’t change what and how we ate food.

All we did was to eat what we normally would eat, but with a smaller serving size. For example, from 6 slices of pizza to 4 slices of pizza.

Since food is our common love language, we began experimenting. One of our favourite subjects is now “how we can turn a traditional recipe gluten-free or dairy-free, or invent a sugar-free version”.

Previously, we would monitor our calorie intake daily by eyeballing serving sizes. Ultimately, we lost track of our daily nutrient requirements.

Since April 2025, we have been following “a whole food diet in moderation”. We have successfully learned to prioritize protein and fiber in stages. What’s more, we do not experience sugar crashes or refined carbohydrate cravings anymore. And surprisingly, this significant lifestyle change saves us money on groceries as well.

2. we recognize and Prioritize Strengths

I am a self-disciplined and analytical individual with a strong personality, whereas my husband has exceptional fine motor skills.

Starting as a kitchen helper at home, he built his confidence in cooking over time. As a result, he has been the chef of the kitchen, making simple, whole-food-based healthy dishes. Now, he can proudly say that he can cook for real (without prompting).

This is a significant lifestyle change for him because before he met me, he regularly visited his parents and just consumed leftovers. Apart from that, he considered “reheating (frozen) foods and making salads” cooking.

As a key decision-maker of our household, my duties include data analysis, information processing and all sorts of planning. I do cook on occasion, but it is not because cooking is a duty of a married woman.

To clarify, I made it clear while we were dating that:

a) I do not enjoy cooking, but I like to eat good food, and it makes me happy

b) I only cook because it is a life skill and it suits my financial needs

c) I am looking to be with someone who cooks (and with no restrictions on food other than allergies)

d) Generally, I believe household chores are shared responsibilities assigned based on strengths and personal preferences

So far, our arrangement has worked well for us. He takes on more simple and repetitive household chores (trained/taught by me due to his lack of organizational skills), while I focus more on the logistics and complex administrative work. Marriage is teamwork, after all.

3. we take time to recharge, and come back stronger

Last but not least, we learned the hard way that one of the reasons why our previous lifestyle didn’t last was that it was static (and boring) not dynamic.

Due to his condition, he prefers repetitive tasks (if they interest him) as well as new and exciting tasks (but only on occasion, not frequently).

However, I thrive in chaos. I love multi-tasking, and prefer frequent changes and new stimuli.

On the other hand, from a cultural perspective, he learned to compromise and ignore things that are unfamiliar, so much so that one of his unspoken lines is “I’ll just make do!”

However, I don’t compromise for no reason. Even though I, too, came from a traditional community (most of us, alas, do, because this patriarchal society was designed by traditionally defined males), I managed to keep my authentic self. I might have been through an identity crisis during young adulthood, but my resilience was my lifesaver.

Our personalities are often shaped by social and natural environments, and so are cultural beliefs. Therefore, if the goal is to make significant lifestyle changes that last, given our first unsuccessful attempt, thinking outside the box may result in a breakthrough.

After revisiting our goals in life and current financial situation, we drew a conclusion that a change of scenery from time to time is a must to keep our partnership healthy, strong and fun.

Look past Cross-Cultural Relationships: a Strong Partnership is all we need

Last month, our excursion met the unexpected. Due to misinformation, we ended up spending the night at the Singapore Changi Airport (SIN) before departing.

To my surprise, many came prepared! I saw people sleeping linen sheets, covers, thin comforters, pillows, and so much more. It was mind-blowing to me and no doubt a night to remember. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to communicate with any of them in English. Otherwise, it might be an interesting learning opportunity.

Life is full of surprises, isn’t it? We pivoted and located a safe and quiet spot to rest as much as we could.

In spite of our differences in upbringings and educational backgrounds, we have striven to keep our relationship strong, spontaneous and interesting. Moreover, we allowed ourselves time and space to heal and explore and ultimately, define our own traditions that speak to us.

As we continue to grow as a team of two human beings, making significant lifestyle changes that we see fit is just a part of adulting.

On that note

Did you know Berelevant Network offers full sessions and half sessions of life and personal development coaching for a party of two? Whether you are a couple, family members or in a complicated relationship, you are welcome to schedule a free consultation to learn how we can be of assistance in your journey.

reference

Changi Airport Group. (2025). https://www.changiairport.com/